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“God has made everything beautiful for its own time.” (Ecclesiastes 3:11a NLT)
The seasons of life include both good and bad times. Life is full of contrasts. We go through mountains, and we go through valleys. We go through successes, and we go through failures. We have wins, and we have losses.In weather, there are four seasons. But in your life, there are dozens of different seasons. Ecclesiastes 3:2-8 gives us a representation of different life experiences: “For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest. A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance. A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones. A time to embrace and a time to turn away. A time to search and a time to quit searching. A time to keep and a time to throw away. A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be quiet and a time to speak. A time to love and a time to hate. A time for war and a time for peace” (NLT). Life is a combination of contrasting seasons. All sunshine and no rain make a desert. If you are following God's will, if you're really trying to live your life according to the way God wants you to live, then all of these experiences have meaning and purpose and value in your life. And they're all God's will! Some of you think that the only time you're in God's will is when you're at church or having a quiet time. You can be in God's will as you’re cleaning out a closet. You can be in God's will mowing your lawn. You can be in God's will moving to a new location or not moving to a new location. There's a time and season for everything. Ray Stevens sang a song called "Everything Is Beautiful in Its Own Way." He lied. It's not true. Everything is not beautiful. Cancer is not beautiful. Child abuse is not beautiful. War is not beautiful. Everything is not beautiful in its own way. He misquoted Ecclesiastes 3:11 which says,"God has made everything beautiful for its own time.” That's very different. God can take even the bad things and, in the proper season, turn them around and use them for good in the way he intends. Some of you are going through a season right now that is not beautiful. It's ugly. Your finances look ugly. Your health looks ugly. Your marriage or a friendship looks ugly. Your future looks ugly. But God can make something good out of it if you'll give him the pieces. Talk It Over
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31.10.13
13.10.13
12.10.13
Think only about the right things!
Saturday, October 12, 2013
Trust One Day at a Time
by Rick Warren
"Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.… Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise." (Philippians 4:6, 8 NLT)
God wants you to trust him one day at a time: "Give us this day our daily bread." Not for next week. Not for next year. Not for next month. Just one day at a time.
Philippians 4:6 and 8 show us that there are four things that you need to do to trust God on a daily basis: "Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.… Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise" (NLT).
Worry about nothing.
Why is worry such a big deal? Because it's not just a bad habit. It's a flat out sin! But God keeps his promises, and you can trust that he will take care of you. "Don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today" (Matthew 6:34).
Pray about everything.
Prayer can change things. Romans 8:32 says, "He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all — how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?" (NIV) God solved your biggest problem — getting into Heaven — when he sent Jesus to die for you. If God loved you enough to send Jesus to die for you, don't you think he loves you enough to take care of all these other problems?
Thank God in all things.
No matter what happens, give thanks. The Bible doesn't say, "For all things give thanks." It says, "In all things give thanks." You don't have to be thankful for bad things in your life. You should never be thankful for evil. You don't have to be thankful for cancer or a car accident or war or abuse. But God says in everything give thanks. Why? Because you know that God's going to take care of you. You know he's going to meet your needs. You know he's going to help you.
Think about the right things.
God gives us a list of things to think about, things that are true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and worthy of praise.
Where do you find things that are pure and lovely to think about? At the movies? I don't think so. On TV? No. You will only find pure and lovely and honorable thoughts in the Word of God. You need to read it, study it, memorize it, and fill your mind with it. Isaiah 26:3 says, "You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!" (NLT)
Talk It Over
Where do your thoughts turn most often?
In what situation do you need to thank God today?
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22.9.13
MARRIAGE ADVICE I WISH I WOULD HAVE HAD by Gerald Rogers
Obviously, I'm not a relationship expert. But there's something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different… After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here's the advice I wish I would have had...
1) Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.
2) PROTECT YOUR OWN HEART. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.
3) FALL IN LOVE OVER and OVER and OVER again. You will constantly change. You're not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don't take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.
4) ALWAYS SEE THE BEST in her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can't help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.
5) IT'S NOT YOUR JOB TO CHANGE OR FIX HER… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it's what you wanted or not.
6) TAKE FULL ACCOUNTABILITY for your own emotions: It's not your wife's job to make you happy, and she CAN'T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.
7) NEVER BLAME your wife If YOU get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.
Allow your woman to JUST BE. When she's sad or upset, it's not your job to fix it, it's your job to HOLD HER and let her know it's ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she's important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON'T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE'S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren't going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.
9) BE SILLY… don't take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.
10) FILL HER SOUL EVERYDAY… learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.
11) BE PRESENT. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.
12) BE WILLING TO TAKE HER SEXUALLY, to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.
13) DON'T BE AN IDIOT…. And don't be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You're not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.
14) GIVE HER SPACE… The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.)
15) BE VULNERABLE… you don't have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.
16) BE FULLY TRANSPARENT. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don't want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don't know i she will like what she finds... Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.
17) NEVER STOP GROWING TOGETHER… The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.
18) DON'T WORRY ABOUT MONEY. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.
19) FORGIVE IMMEDIATELY and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don't let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.
20) ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.
In the end MARRIAGE isn't about Happily ever after. It's about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come.
Marriage is life, and it will bring ups and downs. Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love each experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a time.
These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late.
But these are lessons I am learning and committed in carrying forward. Truth is, I LOVED being married, and in time, I will get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that will endure any storm and any amount of time.
If you are reading this and find wisdom in my pain, share it those those young husbands whose hearts are still full of hope, and with those couples you may know who may have forgotten how to love. One of those men may be like I was, and in these hard earned lessons perhaps something will awaken in him and he will learn to be the man his lady has been waiting for.
The woman that told him 'I do', and trusted her life with him, has been waiting for this man to step up.
If you are reading this and your marriage isn't what you want it to be, take 100% responsibility for YOUR PART in marriage, regardless of where your spouse is at, and commit to applying these lessons while there is time.
MEN- THIS IS YOUR CHARGE : Commit to being an EPIC LOVER. There is no greater challenge, and no greater prize. Your woman deserves that from you.
Be the type of husband your wife can't help but brag about.
1) Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.
2) PROTECT YOUR OWN HEART. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.
3) FALL IN LOVE OVER and OVER and OVER again. You will constantly change. You're not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don't take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.
4) ALWAYS SEE THE BEST in her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can't help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.
5) IT'S NOT YOUR JOB TO CHANGE OR FIX HER… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it's what you wanted or not.
6) TAKE FULL ACCOUNTABILITY for your own emotions: It's not your wife's job to make you happy, and she CAN'T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.
7) NEVER BLAME your wife If YOU get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.
Allow your woman to JUST BE. When she's sad or upset, it's not your job to fix it, it's your job to HOLD HER and let her know it's ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she's important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON'T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE'S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren't going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.
9) BE SILLY… don't take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.
10) FILL HER SOUL EVERYDAY… learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.
11) BE PRESENT. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.
12) BE WILLING TO TAKE HER SEXUALLY, to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.
13) DON'T BE AN IDIOT…. And don't be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You're not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.
14) GIVE HER SPACE… The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.)
15) BE VULNERABLE… you don't have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.
16) BE FULLY TRANSPARENT. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don't want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don't know i she will like what she finds... Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.
17) NEVER STOP GROWING TOGETHER… The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.
18) DON'T WORRY ABOUT MONEY. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.
19) FORGIVE IMMEDIATELY and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don't let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.
20) ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.
In the end MARRIAGE isn't about Happily ever after. It's about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come.
Marriage is life, and it will bring ups and downs. Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love each experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a time.
These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late.
But these are lessons I am learning and committed in carrying forward. Truth is, I LOVED being married, and in time, I will get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that will endure any storm and any amount of time.
If you are reading this and find wisdom in my pain, share it those those young husbands whose hearts are still full of hope, and with those couples you may know who may have forgotten how to love. One of those men may be like I was, and in these hard earned lessons perhaps something will awaken in him and he will learn to be the man his lady has been waiting for.
The woman that told him 'I do', and trusted her life with him, has been waiting for this man to step up.
If you are reading this and your marriage isn't what you want it to be, take 100% responsibility for YOUR PART in marriage, regardless of where your spouse is at, and commit to applying these lessons while there is time.
MEN- THIS IS YOUR CHARGE : Commit to being an EPIC LOVER. There is no greater challenge, and no greater prize. Your woman deserves that from you.
Be the type of husband your wife can't help but brag about.
21.9.13
The WIFE THAT EVERY MAN WANTS.. by Gerald Rogers
Here's the deal. Marriage is a 2-way covenant. A partnership where both husband AND wife hold EQUAL accountability in making it work, and who both need to commit fully to make it THRIVE…. YOU ARE A TEAM. That team works best when both are whole and strong, and share a vision of what you want to create.
The problem is men are often ignorant as to the real needs of their wife, and MOST WOMEN DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THEIR MAN WANTS, and how to be that WOMAN that will INSPIRE THEIR MAN TO RISE and be that KING that she deserves.
This is what that the TRUE MAN wants from his lady…
1) He wants you to LOVE YOURSELF FULLY FIRST… Fall in love with who you are and treat yourself with kindness and respect. Stop being so hard on yourself. You are amazing, just the way you are. When you realize this you are more confident, and NOTHING is SEXIER to a man than a woman who owns her worth, her brilliance, her beauty. The more you love yourself, the more love you will have to give.
2) FILL YOURSELF UP… Stop looking to your man to be the one to 'make' you happy. That's your job, not his. When you are expecting that from him, it drains him, but when you take accountability and FILL YOURSELF with love and joy, you are like a POWERPLANT with ENERGY and LOVE and PASSION that pours into his life. HE WANTS you to be happy, he just doesn't want to be blamed when you're not. Find what makes you happy.
3) LOVE YOUR BODY… Look in the mirror and see how amazing and gorgeous you really are. What a gift that body is. Love every inch… just as it is right now! A woman who loves her body takes care of it. She loves to eat well, and she loves to exercise, not to impress anyone else, but because SHE DESERVES TO BE HEALTHY. You take care of that which you love.
Stop being so critical about your body. You aren't supposed to look like that model on the cover of the magazine… SHE'S FAKE. She's a photoshopped illusion created by a marketing firm with the purpose of making you feel inadequate about yourself. That's the only way you'll buy their stuff. Don't buy into their lie. Stop comparing yourself with others, your only job is to be the most BEAUTIFUL YOU. Take good care of yourself, and your man will be irresistibly attracted to you.
4) GIVE 100% and EXPECT NOTHING in return. If you want a happy marriage you must be willing to PLAY FULL OUT to create it, regardless of where he is at. Take full accountability for your part. UNMET EXPECTATIONS are the biggest source of unhappiness in marriage, so stop expecting him to be anything but him. When you give without expectation, just watch and see how much is returned.
The problem is men are often ignorant as to the real needs of their wife, and MOST WOMEN DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THEIR MAN WANTS, and how to be that WOMAN that will INSPIRE THEIR MAN TO RISE and be that KING that she deserves.
This is what that the TRUE MAN wants from his lady…
1) He wants you to LOVE YOURSELF FULLY FIRST… Fall in love with who you are and treat yourself with kindness and respect. Stop being so hard on yourself. You are amazing, just the way you are. When you realize this you are more confident, and NOTHING is SEXIER to a man than a woman who owns her worth, her brilliance, her beauty. The more you love yourself, the more love you will have to give.
2) FILL YOURSELF UP… Stop looking to your man to be the one to 'make' you happy. That's your job, not his. When you are expecting that from him, it drains him, but when you take accountability and FILL YOURSELF with love and joy, you are like a POWERPLANT with ENERGY and LOVE and PASSION that pours into his life. HE WANTS you to be happy, he just doesn't want to be blamed when you're not. Find what makes you happy.
3) LOVE YOUR BODY… Look in the mirror and see how amazing and gorgeous you really are. What a gift that body is. Love every inch… just as it is right now! A woman who loves her body takes care of it. She loves to eat well, and she loves to exercise, not to impress anyone else, but because SHE DESERVES TO BE HEALTHY. You take care of that which you love.
Stop being so critical about your body. You aren't supposed to look like that model on the cover of the magazine… SHE'S FAKE. She's a photoshopped illusion created by a marketing firm with the purpose of making you feel inadequate about yourself. That's the only way you'll buy their stuff. Don't buy into their lie. Stop comparing yourself with others, your only job is to be the most BEAUTIFUL YOU. Take good care of yourself, and your man will be irresistibly attracted to you.
4) GIVE 100% and EXPECT NOTHING in return. If you want a happy marriage you must be willing to PLAY FULL OUT to create it, regardless of where he is at. Take full accountability for your part. UNMET EXPECTATIONS are the biggest source of unhappiness in marriage, so stop expecting him to be anything but him. When you give without expectation, just watch and see how much is returned.
6) FORGIVE HIM… Over and over again. Face it, he's made some stupid mistakes. A lot of them. You know that and he does too. Carrying the weight of those mistakes into the future though, not only will keep you from trusting him, but it will keep him from feeling safe to be fully open with you. So wherever you have that secret closet inside your mind where you are storing all those mistakes from all those years, you know, the one you go to whenever he messes up again and keep all the evidence and validation of why you should leave… yeah, that one. Destroy it. Burn the evidence and be free once and for all. Learn from the past and LET IT GO. He deserves to be free from the past and so do you. It's God's job to judge him, not yours. The faster you forgive the more fully love will flow.
7) NEVER CRITICISE HIM… Compliment him on what he does right, rather than tear him down for what he does wrong. He WANTS TO PLEASE you, when he does something you appreciate let him know. Stroke him on the back of his neck, and tell him how much you appreciate his efforts and he will be eager to do more. If you criticize him, it will only shut him down and make him hide from you and stop trying. (Seriously, men are so easy to train. Positive Reinforcement. Us guys, we're kinda' like seals at sea world… give em' a treat after they do something you want and they'll keep doing it…. Don't tell your husband I told you this.)
8 ) YOU DON'T OWN HIM. He is free and was meant to be. If you try to control him, put a leash on him, or cage him, it will take away the very thing that makes him a man- that raw masculine sense of control and independence. The more you try to force him or restrict him, the more he will yearn to escape. The more inviting you make yourself, the more you let him be free, the more he will want to stay.
9) GIVE HIM MAN TIME… just like you, he needs time for himself to fill himself up. The man hungers for adventure, and for challenge and for time to brood in his Man cave. You may not understand why he loves to watch sports or violent movies about war, and superheroes, and spies. You don't have to understand, just let him have that space to be.
10) GET CLEAR ON WHAT YOU WANT and choose to CREATE IT… Stop waiting for him to give you what you want, take responsibility for creating it yourself. - ie. If you want to date more, create it… make it easy for him. Give him a list of 10 ideas of what you like to do together on dates, and schedule a night each week for him to take you out, and then gently remind him if needed...
11) SPEAK CLEARLY and OPENLY… He's NOT a mind-reader. No matter how long you've lived together, he still won't always know what you want. When you are upset, he probably has no idea why. You could be furious with him and he'll have NO IDEA what he did or said to make you upset. The more clearly you communicate what you want, the more he can give it to you.
12) DON'T ASSUME ANYTHING… don't jump to conclusions. As intuitive as you are, you don't always know what he is thinking or feeling. Your judgements are often filtered through your own limiting beliefs. Give him the benefit of the doubt, and choose to believe the best. 'seek first to understand, and then to be understood.'
13) RESPECT HIM. While a woman yearns to be deeply understood and cherished, the man's primary need is to be respected. When you have a problem, his first impulse is to FIX IT. This is how he feels important. While criticism and control are his "anti-love" languages and will cause him to feel dis-respected and to shut down, meaningful acknowledgement will make him feel respected and bring him to life and cause him to stand a little taller and be a little better.
14) ENCOURAGE HIM TO LIVE HIS PURPOSE… The man is most alive when he is on a quest for something he feels meaningful. It may take him time to discover what that purpose is, but encourage him along the way, and when he finds it, be his greatest cheerleader.
15) Ok. Here we go… you knew this was coming… ABOUT SEX… for men in a relationship this is not just a desire, it is a core need. It is one of the keys that anchors his soul to yours. Frequent, meaningful Sex is what connects his heart to you and makes him feel at one. Open yourself fully to experience that passionate and connected love, and he will give himself to you. Shut him off, withhold from him, or reject him and it will emasculate him and sever the most important connection to you in his world.
Men and Women seem to be wired opposite with sex. While the woman wants emotional connection first to fully open herself up in physical intimacy, the man wants physical connection first to open up emotionally. This is a good recipe for sexual frustration. I call this, God's little birth control plan.
This doesn't mean you give up your needs or sacrifice your desires. Just the opposite. Let him know what turns you on (even if it's little things like when he does the dishes for you, or when he sits down and just rubs your feet as he listens to you share about your day.) Talk openly about what both of you want with intimacy and work together to create it.
16) in SEX, FOCUS ON YOUR FULFILLMENT first. Guys are pretty simple. Their mechanism is easy to operate and can always be turned on. You on the other hand, have a complex and intricate instrument. Focus on how you are fulfilled and your man will be turned on when he feels he is pleasing you. Create that space where it is safe for in your marriage to be fully open and vulnerable, and even to let the dark side of your passion out. Keep it interesting and exciting, and most of all fun. Through that the deep sacred space that connects you will continue to grow deeper and stronger.
17) LEARN THE UNIQUE COMBINATION to you Man's heart. Figure out the love languages that he uses to receive and give love. And then, commit daily fill him with that love. The more you give, the more you will receive.
18) FOCUS ON THE LONG-TERM VISION and then TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME. Love is like a garden that requires constant watering and constant weeding. You may have let a lot of weeds grow in your garden over time, but stay focused on daily working towards what you want, and inevitably, before long you will have the sweet fruit you have been wanting. You deserve that love, and so does he.
19) NURTURE YOUR LOVE. And renew that commitment to love daily. Keep your heart open to him, and let him own it.
20) And don't forget to SMILE. It looks good on you.
… and of course continue to build your connection with God. He'll strengthen you on the journey, fill you with love, and help you with the rest.
You are the QUEEN and your husband is YOUR KING. The more you see and treat each other as the nobility you truly are, the richer your relationship will become and the happier your castle will be.
As a woman, you are amazing. Us men, stand in awe of your capacity to give yourself to your family and to the world. You are so intuitive, sensitive, brilliant, strong and kind. Without you, the man's world is not complete. Thanks for being patient with us.
My heart hurts, knowing how much pain so many experience in their marriage. I know how it feels. So many of us live unconscious to these simple principles. I don't understand why we were never taught them in school, and why we don't live them more fully as we learn them. It's sad that many of us don't take the time to discover and live them until the pain is too great…
As long as you are still married though, it's not too late. It may take time, and it may take patience, and it WILL take you making a decision to try a little harder. But there is always hope for you.
And if you have already found yourself in divorce, take these lessons and learn them for next time, and hold tight to the hope that your Prince is out there searching for you. Be the type of person you want to attract, and in time, he will find you.
I know that out there, are young brides wondering what they got into, and women who have been married a long time wondering how they can get out.
All of them, deep down, want the same thing. They want a marriage that is whole and fulfilling where they feel cherished by someone who they can share their life with… many of them, though don't know how to create that.
If you find lessons here that can serve those other women you know who deserve a beautiful and fulfilling marriage, then PLEASE SHARE this with them. Hopefully for some it will give them new insights, clearer direction, and wake them up to new possibilities and hope that they may have lost.
WOMEN- THIS IS YOUR INVITATION to rise in your beauty and glory. To be the goddess of your home and the queen of your man's heart.
You are RADIANT. Keep on shining… the future is more beautiful than you can imagine...
7) NEVER CRITICISE HIM… Compliment him on what he does right, rather than tear him down for what he does wrong. He WANTS TO PLEASE you, when he does something you appreciate let him know. Stroke him on the back of his neck, and tell him how much you appreciate his efforts and he will be eager to do more. If you criticize him, it will only shut him down and make him hide from you and stop trying. (Seriously, men are so easy to train. Positive Reinforcement. Us guys, we're kinda' like seals at sea world… give em' a treat after they do something you want and they'll keep doing it…. Don't tell your husband I told you this.)
8 ) YOU DON'T OWN HIM. He is free and was meant to be. If you try to control him, put a leash on him, or cage him, it will take away the very thing that makes him a man- that raw masculine sense of control and independence. The more you try to force him or restrict him, the more he will yearn to escape. The more inviting you make yourself, the more you let him be free, the more he will want to stay.
9) GIVE HIM MAN TIME… just like you, he needs time for himself to fill himself up. The man hungers for adventure, and for challenge and for time to brood in his Man cave. You may not understand why he loves to watch sports or violent movies about war, and superheroes, and spies. You don't have to understand, just let him have that space to be.
10) GET CLEAR ON WHAT YOU WANT and choose to CREATE IT… Stop waiting for him to give you what you want, take responsibility for creating it yourself. - ie. If you want to date more, create it… make it easy for him. Give him a list of 10 ideas of what you like to do together on dates, and schedule a night each week for him to take you out, and then gently remind him if needed...
11) SPEAK CLEARLY and OPENLY… He's NOT a mind-reader. No matter how long you've lived together, he still won't always know what you want. When you are upset, he probably has no idea why. You could be furious with him and he'll have NO IDEA what he did or said to make you upset. The more clearly you communicate what you want, the more he can give it to you.
12) DON'T ASSUME ANYTHING… don't jump to conclusions. As intuitive as you are, you don't always know what he is thinking or feeling. Your judgements are often filtered through your own limiting beliefs. Give him the benefit of the doubt, and choose to believe the best. 'seek first to understand, and then to be understood.'
13) RESPECT HIM. While a woman yearns to be deeply understood and cherished, the man's primary need is to be respected. When you have a problem, his first impulse is to FIX IT. This is how he feels important. While criticism and control are his "anti-love" languages and will cause him to feel dis-respected and to shut down, meaningful acknowledgement will make him feel respected and bring him to life and cause him to stand a little taller and be a little better.
14) ENCOURAGE HIM TO LIVE HIS PURPOSE… The man is most alive when he is on a quest for something he feels meaningful. It may take him time to discover what that purpose is, but encourage him along the way, and when he finds it, be his greatest cheerleader.
15) Ok. Here we go… you knew this was coming… ABOUT SEX… for men in a relationship this is not just a desire, it is a core need. It is one of the keys that anchors his soul to yours. Frequent, meaningful Sex is what connects his heart to you and makes him feel at one. Open yourself fully to experience that passionate and connected love, and he will give himself to you. Shut him off, withhold from him, or reject him and it will emasculate him and sever the most important connection to you in his world.
Men and Women seem to be wired opposite with sex. While the woman wants emotional connection first to fully open herself up in physical intimacy, the man wants physical connection first to open up emotionally. This is a good recipe for sexual frustration. I call this, God's little birth control plan.
This doesn't mean you give up your needs or sacrifice your desires. Just the opposite. Let him know what turns you on (even if it's little things like when he does the dishes for you, or when he sits down and just rubs your feet as he listens to you share about your day.) Talk openly about what both of you want with intimacy and work together to create it.
16) in SEX, FOCUS ON YOUR FULFILLMENT first. Guys are pretty simple. Their mechanism is easy to operate and can always be turned on. You on the other hand, have a complex and intricate instrument. Focus on how you are fulfilled and your man will be turned on when he feels he is pleasing you. Create that space where it is safe for in your marriage to be fully open and vulnerable, and even to let the dark side of your passion out. Keep it interesting and exciting, and most of all fun. Through that the deep sacred space that connects you will continue to grow deeper and stronger.
17) LEARN THE UNIQUE COMBINATION to you Man's heart. Figure out the love languages that he uses to receive and give love. And then, commit daily fill him with that love. The more you give, the more you will receive.
18) FOCUS ON THE LONG-TERM VISION and then TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME. Love is like a garden that requires constant watering and constant weeding. You may have let a lot of weeds grow in your garden over time, but stay focused on daily working towards what you want, and inevitably, before long you will have the sweet fruit you have been wanting. You deserve that love, and so does he.
19) NURTURE YOUR LOVE. And renew that commitment to love daily. Keep your heart open to him, and let him own it.
20) And don't forget to SMILE. It looks good on you.
… and of course continue to build your connection with God. He'll strengthen you on the journey, fill you with love, and help you with the rest.
You are the QUEEN and your husband is YOUR KING. The more you see and treat each other as the nobility you truly are, the richer your relationship will become and the happier your castle will be.
As a woman, you are amazing. Us men, stand in awe of your capacity to give yourself to your family and to the world. You are so intuitive, sensitive, brilliant, strong and kind. Without you, the man's world is not complete. Thanks for being patient with us.
My heart hurts, knowing how much pain so many experience in their marriage. I know how it feels. So many of us live unconscious to these simple principles. I don't understand why we were never taught them in school, and why we don't live them more fully as we learn them. It's sad that many of us don't take the time to discover and live them until the pain is too great…
As long as you are still married though, it's not too late. It may take time, and it may take patience, and it WILL take you making a decision to try a little harder. But there is always hope for you.
And if you have already found yourself in divorce, take these lessons and learn them for next time, and hold tight to the hope that your Prince is out there searching for you. Be the type of person you want to attract, and in time, he will find you.
I know that out there, are young brides wondering what they got into, and women who have been married a long time wondering how they can get out.
All of them, deep down, want the same thing. They want a marriage that is whole and fulfilling where they feel cherished by someone who they can share their life with… many of them, though don't know how to create that.
If you find lessons here that can serve those other women you know who deserve a beautiful and fulfilling marriage, then PLEASE SHARE this with them. Hopefully for some it will give them new insights, clearer direction, and wake them up to new possibilities and hope that they may have lost.
WOMEN- THIS IS YOUR INVITATION to rise in your beauty and glory. To be the goddess of your home and the queen of your man's heart.
You are RADIANT. Keep on shining… the future is more beautiful than you can imagine...
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