as much as doing this brings smiles onto the faces of the recipients.. no matter how large the opportunity cost and how small the rewards are.. there is only one way forward into the uncertainty. seeing how families celebrate these occasions when mine never really have made them anything worthy of a gathering.. suddenly the emptiness after the busyness bites within.
choosing the freedom of singlehood again.. or rather the lack of a choice.. is as liberating as it has been before any of these..or maybe even more so. walking out of this long dark shadow alone is a slow and painful process no one else can understand nor are they expected to. as much as I do wish to be tough and stable as always, there are always weak moments deep into the night I wished someone is right beside me.. someone real.. non judgemental.. love me as I am.. someone not so different from who I am or who i envisioned to be. it is that tough.
shiny stars shining brightly in the cold dark skies.. r we clouded in our judgement n feelings.. by the fog and messes all around. . do we try harder to be heard and seen.. or fade away as time passes into eternity. .
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